A toxic element that eats away at life.
Published on January 18, 2005 By oleteach In Personal Relationships
No matter what happens to me each day, I have decided that I will always forgive. I have decided not to be offended by words, actions or what I might perceive to be abusive, insulting, rude or hurting. I may still feel hurt but work at staying in peace.

Why do I do this? It is because I have been forgiven so much in my own life. Time and time again, my mouth has said things that I didn’t mean as offensive or cruel, but others have taken it to be mean spirited, judgmental or malicious. There have been times when I did mean to tell someone off or imply they needed to change when it was none of my business to be handing out such advice. Therefore, I need to be forgiving to others just as I have been forgiven.

When I find that it hard to forgive, when I want to hang on to an unforgiving spirit, or when I want to wallow for awhile in self-pity, I have to make a conscious decision to end such nonsense immediately before it begins to eat me up with resentment and bitterness. In such cases there are steps that I have found I must take.

First, I must assume full responsibility for my unforgiving feelings, even if the other person is in the wrong. Then, I have to admit to God that I have harbored resentment or that I have wished the other person would be punished in some way. I have to lay down my anger and do it repeatedly until the feelings of resentment are gone. Next, I decide to pray for the individual who hurt me.

Even after I have taken all these steps, a bitter spirit may still creep up on me. I still might have to cope with my feelings. I may have to start all over and follow the pattern to forgiveness. It also helps me to mediate on how often I have been forgiven by God and by other people who have had to put up with my failings.

I will remind myself over and over that feelings will not rule me. I will call to mind Scriptures that tell me that I do not need to carry around those vague guilt feelings that I have not been forgiven. I will exult these truths that I find in Scripture that tell me how much God loves me, how He takes my admitted sins and throws them into the deepest sea and then hangs out a "Absolutely No Fishing" sign. I don't have to try to keep on paying for sins that He has already paid for by the shedding of His blood. I will not wallow in my negative feelings. Sometime it will take some time to conquer feelings with the truth but as I continue to make it a daily practice, it gets easier and easier. I try to heed what Scripture says: “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” I am glad the good Lord gives me a whole day to get over it.

Thank you, God for teaching me what it means to be forgiving, to be forgiven and for the strength to put those teaching into practice in my everyday life. Amen

Comments
on Jan 18, 2005
These are good rules to live by. I'm sure you will be able to do so.
on Jan 18, 2005
Are you not afraid that if you forgive someone who abuses you then you hand [more] power back to your abuser?
on Jan 18, 2005
Knitter,
Thanks for your comment. When I used the word abuse, I did not mean anything radical, like beatings, either emotional or physical. Noone has ever done that to me. But even if they had, forgiveness does not mean that a person will submit to being abused. Forgiveness is a spirit of the heart that does not wish evil on any person even those who have hurt us. Forgiveness releases our natural feelings of hatred, bitterness and resentment from the heart and replaces it with love, generosity, and compassion. Those latter things bring us peace of mind whereas bitterness, hatred and resentment will eat up the joy from our lives. I choose to live in joy and freedom from evil thoughts and wishes of revenge.

Foreverserenity,
Thank you also for your response. I'm sure that I will be able to do so also, not from my own strength but because I rely on God's help. I am heir to everything that Jesus won for me on cross because I am an adopted child of God. Jesus has won the victory for me. His strength is in the "bank," always ready for me to make withdrawals at any time through prayer and reliance on His goodness.
on Jan 21, 2005
Excellent post. Excellent timing too . In a town where there are very few decent jobs, I recently lost the best job I've had in the 3 years I've been here because of reverse prejudice. A mexican supervisor there has made it his goal in life to get rid of every white worker there. That's not what really hurts though. The supervisor who did this is a church member, a church deacon in fact. The foreman who witnessed my pinkslip has a youth ministry in a church. Knowing almost every charge was false, he still signed my pink slip as a witness. Pray for me then because it's hard to deal with the hurt this has caused in my life. We were already struggling to get by with the 2 jobs, & now we only have my wife's income.